Sunday, May 17, 2009

Mullet Moments

I work in a gym now that is populated by mullets. Mullets are not just bodybuilders, but people who just don't act logically in a gym.

1) Someone asked my what "muscle I was working" while I was trying to release my piriformis with a foam roller.

2) While doing box squats, someone with a NASM certification (not that I have anything against NASM, but this asshat threw it in my face) said that you don't need to go parallel to "maximize the hypertrophy of the quadriceps". This is the same retard that wrapped his knees up like it was Christmas to do half-reps on the leg press. Knee wraps on lockouts, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I swear the next time I see knee wraps is the squat rack/leg press without getting to parallel, I am going to go Tonya Harding on them. HELLO McFLY: If you can't get to 90 degrees, the knee wrap ain't doing anything.

3) I see the same groups of people doing walking lunges around the gym when:
* They can't get anywhere near the "two 90 degree angles" for a solid lunge (if you can't get to a lunge position - you have absolutely no reason to make an arse out of yourself by doing walking lunges with an exercise ball over your head)
* If you can't do a lunge without having your knee going past your toe, your are destroying your knee
* For some unknown reason, every other trainer makes their clients do walking lunges on their first session. I think the personal training industry has a referral relations with the orthopedic industry to destroy as many knee as possible.
* Lunges are a great exercise, but a far as working large groups of muscles, they don't even come close to the squat, deadlift and good morning. If I do lunges in a workout, it is the the 5th or 6th exercise that I do. If you can't bodyweight squat to parallel w/o your feet coming off the ground, you have absolutely no business doing lunges. All my clients learn to squat first.

4) I continually have people that I meet that consistently think that only cardio equipment (bikes, stair climbers, treadmills, ellipticals) burn bodyfat. NEWSFLASH: All physical activity needs calories expenditure to support it:
* I still don't realize how the the state of FL (where 60F is a cold day) you can have a gym that has 2 squat racks and 60 cardio machines. I see people get in their cars to drive a half mile to the gym to walk on the treadmill at the "speed of stupid" then drive back home.
* There is a guy in the gym that spends 6 hours a day doing cardio and farting around and hitting on all of the girls. I told him the following.
- You don't meet girls in the gym. They don't want you to talk about them in the locker room. At least I have not met one in the 17 years that I have had a gym membership.
- Once you hit on one, they will warn about you to everyone else.
- I know your testosterone is high, you need a cold shower.
- I gave him the following suggests, everyday walk into two business and introduce yourself to someone. This will get your sorry ass out of the gym. You will learn what works for you as far as meeting people. You may actually meet someone that can give you a job so your grandmother doesn't have to schlep you to the gym and back. And last, you are not around so much that people can talk about you.
* My clients pay me for my time. If I have them ride a bike, it is interval cardio. I can usually do 6 minute interval session on the recumbent bike that will get someones heart rate to 150-170 (depending on age).

5) If you see a personal trainer that starts are workout with bicep curls, RUN and don't WALK. Most bicep growth is systemic rather than specific anyway.

6) If you see a personal trainer provide assisted stretching to a client and they ass stick out, do not let them touch you. They are pushing your muscles rather than stretching them.

7) If you are in the gym for over 1.5 hours, you are in there too long (unless they are paying you). If you eat meals there you seriously need to get a life. If you have to pack a bag like you are going on a three day weekend...sigh.

8) Most (not all) guys should not workout with your girlfriend/wife/etc. If you think that this makes you look stronger - videotape yourself as you will most likely see that this makes you look like an ass. Also, the amount of improper technique and spewing of training myths increases exponentially the longer they are in the relationship. (Before I get flamed, I know there are exceptions to this). Most times this just results in lower T-levels.

9) I recently was asked what I did for cardio (this was by a personal trainer, no less) since she noticed that I lost some weight. I said that I was working with my kettlebells and played Dance Dance Revolution. She said "No, I mean cardio machines did you use." I was speechless.

10) I see men that have sub-10% bodyfat that can less then 20 pushups. How the fork is that possible. It is like, I have muscle, but I just carry it around.

11) I see people on Bosu ball this that they are working their core. When I use it and take whatever exercise to the limit, it hurts my feet more than my core. Here are the two ways to work your core:
* Lift something heavy while standing
* Lift something assymmetrically (Turkish Get Up, Renegade Row)
==> it ain't that difficult

12) I recently has a very overweight client say that "I don't have any limitations." I then (as I do with every client) asked he if she got on the floor could she get up, and the answer was no. I just hope she does not go anywhere by herself.


Eric Moss RKC said...

sigh...when will the mullets learn?

its especially a shame when trainers show their ignorance. Here you present a superior way of training which they probably see but they are too stuck in their own world to learn from you and improve themselves. Anyways power to you comrade.

Jennifer said...

"I still don't realize how the the state of FL (where 60F is a cold day) you can have a gym that has 2 squat racks and 60 cardio machines. I see people get in their cars to drive a half mile to the gym to walk on the treadmill at the "speed of stupid" then drive back home. "
Holy crap! "Speed of Stupid" LMAO